At first I don't know whether I should share this story or not. Takut dituduh manusia sebagai ujub, kibr, takabbur, bongkak etc. Tapi takpe, Allah tahu niat kita and hari akhirat nanti sendiri mau jawab.
These are parenting tips that I learnt from multiple books I read that I hope people can benefit from.
This is my daughter washing her own dishes. She's 5. Tak disuruh. Dia yang insist nak buat. Bukan selalu, kadang-kadang aje pun. The reason was simple. It was her favourite lunchbox. That she picked from the supermarket. And she's taking the responsibility of making sure that the lunchbox is clean after her meal.
As a parent, the natural tendency is to point out to our kids whenever they're doing something wrong. Tugas kita membetulkan mana yang silap. But we often forget the other side of parenting - which is to highlight and to praise what they've done right. Kalau dia buat 99% benda baik, dan 1% benda tak baik, it's just natural to point out the flawed 1% kan?
But how many of us as adults will accept criticism for our 1% from our bosses/colleague/family?. Why cant they see the 99% of the things that we did right? It's because of a common psychological fallacy : “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions” - Stephen R Covey.
By letting her wash her own dishes, I had to put aside:
- Kerja lambat siap
- Air banyak membazir
- Banyak pakai sabun
- Basuh mungkin tak bersih
- Itu kerja bibik
Tapi takpe, we all have to start somewhere. Tiada manusia yang dilahirkan kat dalam dunia ni sebagai world class champion dishwasher. These small sacrifices on our part will give them confidence to repeat the act, and improve in the process. Nanti dah besar boleh basuh kerak periuk pulak. hehe.
Reflect : Berapa ramai kenalan kita (atau kita sendiri) sekarang malas basuh pinggan sebab masa kecik-kecik dulu parents larang because of reasons mentioned above?
Budak-budak bukan macam orang dewasa - sense of responsibility tu belum lagi bercambah. But they do have the sense of pride. One thing I learnt about my daughter is she loves praises (who doesnt? further reading: 5 love languages by Gary Chapman) so I'll always try to catch her doing something right and say
"Bagus tolong mami basuh pinggan hari ni. Alhamdulillah. Mami sayang kat kakak, Allah pun saaaaaaaayang kat kakak,"
Itu baru basuh pinggan. Tak sampai 5 minit pun. Berapa banyak lagi kelakuan baik anak-anak kita yang kita terlepas pandang?
Practical tips:
- Always catch your kids doing something good
- Praise actions, not the person. So that the actions will be repeated. Allah also judges us based on our actions, our effort.
- Kids are eager to learn. Let them.
- They're also eager to please their parents. Let them.
- Look at their noble intention rather than their flawed execution.
Semoga bermanfaat, Ilmu ni semua Allah punya. - Ija Amrahi
